Feelings

I wrote about fear in the midst of my processing of it. I wasn't even done with the post and then later returned to finish, but I had finished my dealings, my feelings.

I recently told a friend that I don't have time to deal with those places I'd just rather not go. Its too messy and time consuming and I'm busy taking care of other people who don't understand my need for taking a break. So going there is hard, and I fight it. But after I wrote the bulk of the post, I talked to the hubs and told him how I was feeling. (Mostly because he wanted to know why I was crying, because seriously, talking about consolidating credit cards should not normally induce crying. It was a civil, unheated discussion.) And once it was out there, that stupid silly fear lost it's power, and met the light of day, was no longer a secret, even to me. It became so small and ridiculous, it floated away, and now I feel lighter. Strangely.

Later, as I was perusing blogs, Kelle Hampton @ Enjoying the Small Things had written this:

While I naturally search for a button to turn off feelings I assume aren’t good, I am realizing that feeling it all—even if it ain’t rainbows and unicorns—is important. Doubt and Anxiety might not be dressed as attractively as Confidence and Contentment, but they do bring insight. And when they are gone, the new Confidence and Contentment that brew are even better than before. Feelings need to be embraced—all of them. 

So to whatever that weird emotional episode was this afternoon, I'm glad to have experienced it, to have dealt with it, to have freed it. And I'll be happy to wait a while for the next one. :)