More than just coincidence

I have been encouraged.

See? Not all doom and gloom here. :D

I have recently been amazed, awed, encouraged at how God is moving. And boy is he. It's amazing what happens when you invite the spirit in. Ha!

It's almost like deja vu, lately. Except it's not.

In January, my group of "ladies", aka Women's Group, jokingly aka "Spirit Sisters", spent an evening just talking and praying and listening to where God wanted us to go, what we wanted out of the group, etc. The similarities were clearly there, common threads from one persons heart to the other. Fellowship, encouragement, sisterhood / family / relationship, and the desire to invite the Holy Spirit in to dwell and guide.

We had been missing direction for a little while, and we felt like we were getting on the right path. Ha! hahahaha. God is so funny.

For the past month, scriptures that are coming up in our study or in our lives are being repeated in the sermons at church, and vice versa. So I have sat in church, looked around for "my girls" and thought, "are you hearing this? This is crazy nuts awesome." I love it when God does that. It's so clear that he's working. It's so encouraging. It is lifting us all up. And tonight, we all started out our prayer time sharing a praise. Not because we said "share a praise," but because we had praises to sing.

I have also seen/heard of "topics" brought up in other's lives, in the church annual meeting, in prayer time, in random email forwards. Unconnected incidences.

The "coincidence" is uncanny.

But really, I know it's not coincidence at all.

He reigns!

It's not just a thing to do

I have been seeing lots of Facebook/blog posts about Lent, what people are giving up. Some surprise me - in the who or the what. Some seem a little trite - overused, too common, not unique or given much thought, the stock answer. Not being "denominational" or rigid in tradition, I tend to not put much focus on this element of Christianity. My faith is not cookie cutter. I'm not cookie cutter. Neither is my God, and I feel this is an act that should have purpose, spiritually. His sacrifice and suffering is not trite.

But I know there are things in my life that need to be purged, cleansed, sacrificed. I need to eliminate the noise to be able to hear the whisperings of the Father to me in the garden. I also need to find, to go to, the garden. And I don't. So I'm out of balance.

I have been thinking, listening a little, about what He would have me do in this time. Or, any time. But no time like the present. To find balance, to find Him.

I am thirsty, but rather than go to the well, I sit here dying of thirst.

I read a blog that makes me weep. Makes my heart hurt. Every. time. I. read. it. (But it's like a drug with good music, so I keep going back.)

Today she said this:

Lent. It’s the preparing the heart for Easter. Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy.

I meet my enemies daily, hourly. I struggle to maintain control. And I have let my enemy win, take control. blah! So I am considering.

But I am addicted to my noise.

You should really read this whole post though. It's a little hard core, and, well, just read it.

How a Lent that Fails Actually Succeeds

Compassion

I have had experiences in the past, for as long as I can remember, of feeling empathy, or compassion, for people who are "suffering." When someone is being prayed for, and I feel as though I am crying on their behalf, to bear some of their pain, burden, sadness. In those doubting times, I think, no, I'm just some freak who cries at everything. But not really.

As an adult, the feeling of being called to prayer has emerged. I have had the experience of going to an evening of praise and prayer, and knew I was going to pray for a particular person. I have felt "called" to pray for someone's marriage, someone I hardly knew. And I prayed weeks, 24/7. I know when someone has come to mind that I should pray for them. And have found out later about important conversations that were taking place at. that. time.

Lately, my prayer experiences have been odd.

A friend has come to me over and over and over again, asking for prayer. Yet when I pray for her, I feel as though I am praying for myself. Scriptures that cross my path are both for me and for her. And while I get irritated with her for not applying this to her life, I know that I am also not applying those same things to my life. So is that how God feels with me? Irritated? Angry at my excuses?

Since the first of the year, I have started participating on the Prayer Ministry team. (Much more suited to me than Children's Ministries, for sure.) I have sometimes felt conflicted with, how can I pray for /  help someone else when I feel a significant lack in my life. Or the, this is a bad day and I don't feel like praying for someone, I feel like being the recipient. But God always delivers, and though I don't know the end result of what the prayer did for someone else, I know what it did in me.

A few Sundays ago, someone came forward who I have a connection to thru another church. She asked for prayer for a certain call she felt, and I was overcome with emotion, compassion, feeling her pain. Here I am, in a prayer team with another guy, bawling like a baby. I could hardly get any words out. Tears just running down my face. I felt like a complete weirdo, more emotional than even she. 

The sermon series in church right now has been on the book of Luke. Good stuff, and I have taken a few nuggets out of it for sure. This past week I knew ahead of time it would be on healing. That morning as I was getting ready to go to church, I knew it was going to be an emotional day. Not for my stuff. An empathetic emotion. I took lots of deep breaths. Then at church, once I walked into the "sanctuary", I knew it was going to be emotional, and kept thinking, I really need to go get some kleenex. I was fine, but I knew it was coming. The pastor used the scripture passage Luke 7:11-17 as the basis for his sermon. As he preached the sermon, this scripture answered my question, the question of why I cry for others.

12 A funeral procession was coming out as he approached the village gate. The boy who had died was the only son of a widow, and many mourners from the village were with her.

13 When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. "Don't cry!" he said. (NLT)

I sat there silently, tears streaming. I decided that was a good time to go find kleenex, and as I entered the hall, and found two friends, it started. The weeping. And so I explained. And they confirmed, that's God. The gift of Compassion.

So at least I'm not a freak. (LOL)

In his sermon, Brian made a few points that resonated with me:

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  God can release compassion in you that leads toward healing for others.
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  Your compassion is not inconsequential; it is important. 
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  Compassion is meant to drive us towards prayer - asking for and welcoming the Kingdom of God into real life situations. Use that compassion to lead you to pray.

Well ok then. Actually, what that did for me, was allow me to open up to that compassion, instead of try and control or squash it. But boy am I glad that the Spirit can pray for us, because I was having a hard time with getting words or prayer to come out of my mouth, only my heart.

Yay for God working thru us. It's humbling to know he would use me, that he would find me worthy enough to work thru me for the benefit of someone else.

But I still ask, where's God for me? I want to be healed, to find joy, to laugh, to see blessings.

Is anyone praying for me, feeling compassion for my heartache?

I guess God is, probably.