A question was posed. How do you find community? Do you do "the interview" with new people, sizing them up to see if the fit your match profile? Are they like you in lifestyle, beliefs, interests, age, beauty, family, status? Do you seek out people who are different, who might challenge you? What people do tend to steer clear of?
I think we all look to find fellowship with people we might be comfortable with, like ourselves, familiar. Most people don't tend to look for friendships in which they will feel awkward or challenged, with people who live lives that may be in conflict with our lifestyle or beliefs.
I personally feel awkward by people who are "cooler" than me, or who are, um, evil, or into that kind of thing. Not that I'd snub them, just that I feel uncomfortable. And people who are way above my socio-economic status.
I come from the other side, the side who people rejected after the "interview." Not as much as in high school, but it still happens. When you live in small communities, it's already formed - because you haven't lived there your whole life, OR because you have. When you add being a SAHM, I think it makes life even more isolating. No automatic community of coworkers.
I look to church for community, but even there, there is judgement. (And I'm not the only one who feels that way.) So I wonder, is it because I'm too fat, not rich, don't dress a certain way, my hub doesn't attend church, I'm not happy enough, boring, just not desirable?
No. I am all those things. I am desirable. I am fun. And who cares that I'm fat, poor, and not fashion savy. My husband and my God love me. That makes me worthy. And because I have not drawn those lines (as much), I have met many strange and wonderful people. In fact, "those" people seem to come find *me*.
I do search for community, and deep relationship. I long for it, actually. The more difficult challenge for me is developing relationships with people who don't have time. Our focus, at this stage of life, seems more to be about family. Everyone seems to have a hard time balancing work, family, church and friends. It's frustrating to want to build relationship, but realize that you no longer have the luxury of time and less responsibility than you had during high school and college.
Of coarse I have friends. But not really close friends. The inside jokes, the person who knows what I'm going to say before I say it, no kindred spirit, no one who totally understands me without judgement, no one I feel totally safe telling everything.
But I'm not complaining. Really. I'm being patient. I have learned to be patient.
Many years have gone by since I had those kind of friendships. Lives change, people change, people move, people move on. I tend to hold on to those, even though they're long gone. I mourn the loss. (Can I start another sentance with "I" ?) Since I have had many years "alone", I have learned a few lessons. One of those lessons was that I needed to be thankful and appreciate what each friendship offered, instead of dwelling on what it lacked, what it wasn't. Nor can I put all my eggs in one basket. (A lesson my husband was happy I learned, as I kept trying to make him my basket, and that was too much pressure. Neither was it healthy.)
I often wondered if this dry spell was God trying to get me to make Him my best friend. Unfortunately, I don't know that I am capable of having that kind of a relationship with Him, sad as it is to say that. I need tangible. Sorry, God.
So I wait. I wait for the day, the opportunity, the person who God wants me to know as friend. I wait for the day when I can have a conversation not interrupted by many small children. :)
In the meantime, I enjoy the friendships I have on the level they're at, I count the blessings (1,2,3,4 and many more) that I have today, and pray for that *next door neighbor who wants to come over and hang out at my house just as much as I want to hang at hers, not bothered while I fold by piles of laundry, to share each other's secrets, and build a history together as friends. (*It's just so conveneint that way.)
**And God, if you're listening, it would be really great if she had a husband who was just as much a friend to my husband as she is to me. Thanks.
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