I don't take a lot of time for quiet, devotions, prayer. It's stolen moments, basically. No in depth studies, no great prayer times filled with the Holy Spirit and great revelation. Five minutes here, a middle of the night/afternoon cry, plea for rescue is what it usually looks like for me. I am so thankful that God doesn't need hours to speak. It can happen in an instant, in stolen moments, while noise and chaos ensues around you (or, as in my case this morning, a 2 year old, same thing).
Being a person who likes direction, I have found the book Jesus Calling to be fantastic. I would say it speaks to my right now about 80% of the time. That's pretty good. Whatever the tool, I'm just glad that God hears and sees me.
The other morning I was stressing about a situation, getting riled up at some nosy person and how their judgment affected me. And I was judging. Judging the past and the yet to come. Judging someone I didn't know, imagining a situation that hadn't happened yet. All with a rather angry, negative attitude. Partially out of fear, (because no one likes feeling judged themselves) and partially out of it's inconvenience to my life. I was also dealing with excruciating pain and a lack of sleep, which helped none. I had gotten up at 4am because of the pain, cleaned my house, did some laundry, took a shower, got the kids off to school, and then had a few moments of peace where I didn't feel the need to get up and work work work (cuz I already had, so I had "earned" my relax time). I sat down with my devotional, and this is what I read:
Come to Me and rest. Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather - as if judging were your main function in life. But I created you first and foremost to know Me and to live in rich communication with Me. When you become preoccupied with passing judgement, you usurp My role.
The thing is, I hadn't even really realized I was judging, and therefore that I wasn't giving God room to be God.
On a more fun and enjoyable note, we are finally getting to take some time away, to celebrate 10 years of marriage perhaps?, or just to get away and rest, to enjoy each other without being prey to the needs and demands of our beloved children. Before we were married, we'd get up on Saturday morning and say, hm, what do we do today, where should we go. My husband is a "wild hair" sort of guy so you never knew what would strike his fancy. But that feeling of just being able to go wherever and do whatever, unplanned, is sort of romantic and enticing. Freeing. We don't have a lot of money saved for this (bad timing being at the start of the school year), but we have people to tend our children, and a couple days' time. What to do?? We aren't really sure, but we were just gifted a night's stay at a particular hotel, which has given our time some direction, literally. But since we don't know what there is to do in that area, I'm looking, trying to figure it all out. I had originally had in mind a different part of the state entirely, so this has sort of thrown me for a loop. But I consulted with my friend Google and was plotting our moves, at least trying to figure out accommodations for night number two, when I consulted with my spouse who's suggestion just upended the 3 hours of research I had just done. Deep breath. This is supposed to be fun, but suddenly it was becoming stressful. I went to bed.
This morning after getting the kids out the door to school, I took another stolen moment.
You will not find My Peace by engaging in excessive planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future... When your mind spins with multiple plans, Peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp; yet it always eludes you...
I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace.
Wow. Ok. I got it. Get my eyes off what I see right in front of me, from judging and worrying and trying to have everything under control, and get my eyes on God. Let HIM take care of the details. He's got my back, apparently.
Thank you, God, for speaking in my stolen moments. Help me to keep my eyes on you, and not buried in worry about all the stuff around me. Lord, I want to receive all the blessings you have in store for us, for me, and I know that your plan is much better than mine.
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