The interview. The search. Patience.

A question was posed. How do you find community? Do you do "the interview" with new people, sizing them up to see if the fit your match profile? Are they like you in lifestyle, beliefs, interests, age, beauty, family, status? Do you seek out people who are different, who might challenge you? What people do tend to steer clear of?

I think we all look to find fellowship with people we might be comfortable with, like ourselves, familiar. Most people don't tend to look for friendships in which they will feel awkward or challenged, with people who live lives that may be in conflict with our lifestyle or beliefs.

I personally feel awkward by people who are "cooler" than me, or who are, um, evil, or into that kind of thing. Not that I'd snub them, just that I feel uncomfortable. And people who are way above my socio-economic status.

 

I come from the other side, the side who people rejected after the "interview." Not as much as in high school, but it still happens. When you live in small communities, it's already formed - because you haven't lived there your whole life, OR because you have. When you add being a SAHM, I think it makes life even more isolating. No automatic community of coworkers.

 

I look to church for community, but even there, there is judgement. (And I'm not the only one who feels that way.) So I wonder, is it because I'm too fat, not rich, don't dress a certain way, my hub doesn't attend church, I'm not happy enough, boring, just not desirable?

 

No. I am all those things. I am desirable. I am fun. And who cares that I'm fat, poor, and not fashion savy. My husband and my God love me. That makes me worthy. And because I have not drawn those lines (as much), I have met many strange and wonderful people. In fact, "those" people seem to come find *me*.

 

I do search for community, and deep relationship. I long for it, actually. The more difficult challenge for me is developing relationships with people who don't have time. Our focus, at this stage of life, seems more to be about family. Everyone seems to have a hard time balancing work, family, church and friends. It's frustrating to want to build relationship, but realize that you no longer have the luxury of time and less responsibility than you had during high school and college.

 

Of coarse I have friends. But not really close friends. The inside jokes, the person who knows what I'm going to say before I say it, no kindred spirit, no one who totally understands me without judgement, no one I feel totally safe telling everything.

 

But I'm not complaining. Really. I'm being patient. I have learned to be patient.

 

Many years have gone by since I had those kind of friendships. Lives change, people change, people move, people move on. I tend to hold on to those, even though they're long gone. I mourn the loss. (Can I start another sentance with "I" ?) Since I have had many years "alone", I have learned a few lessons. One of those lessons was that I needed to be thankful and appreciate what each friendship offered, instead of dwelling on what it lacked, what it wasn't. Nor can I put all my eggs in one basket. (A lesson my husband was happy I learned, as I kept trying to make him my basket, and that was too much pressure. Neither was it healthy.)

 

I often wondered if this dry spell was God trying to get me to make Him my best friend. Unfortunately, I don't know that I am capable of having that kind of a relationship with Him, sad as it is to say that. I need tangible. Sorry, God.

 

So I wait. I wait for the day, the opportunity, the person who God wants me to know as friend. I wait for the day when I can have a conversation not interrupted by many small children. :)

 

In the meantime, I enjoy the friendships I have on the level they're at, I count the blessings (1,2,3,4 and many more) that I have today, and pray for that *next door neighbor who wants to come over and hang out at my house just as much as I want to hang at hers, not bothered while I fold by piles of laundry, to share each other's secrets, and build a history together as friends. (*It's just so conveneint that way.)

 

**And God, if you're listening, it would be really great if she had a husband who was just as much a friend to my husband as she is to me. Thanks.

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Someone tells you of their multiple unending crises of life, car problems, the dental bill, the financial woes from here to Tennesee, what do you do?

Your husband is totally stressing about upcoming job changes, and you are worried about being able to pay the heat bill this winter, what do you do?

Someone tells you they are depressed and have tried, seriously, to take their own life, what do you do?

A friend confides to you that they have no hope for a situation, feels as though their dreams are dying, what do you do?

When life comes at you all at once - supper burning, phone ringing, child crying, children fighting, headache, hungry, diapers, bills - what do you do?

I have had occasion, in the recent past, to wonder, "what do people who aren't Christians do? How do they cope with crises? Where, or to whom, do they turn?"

I seriously don't know.

I have always known I have a God to turn to, who is my protector and provider. He is the one who cares most what happens to me, where I land, where I go. He should be my source, my all in all. Tonight, in talking to some friends, I listened to a story shared about how one woman would pray before she dealt with each new "customer" that she was to help. Many times she would walk away amazed at how God had used her in their situation, in ways she could never have done on her own. And when she got done sharing, I thought, man, I wonder what my life would be like if I prayed like that about the situations I encounter in my "work." What would happen in my home if I started my day like that? Driving home, I realized that I rarely even offer to pray for others, or even to pray for them privately later on. I failed to pray for someone's car problems today. I didn't ask God to cover my children. I haven't asked God to bless my home, my marriage, our finances. I don't pray for my parents or siblings or inlaws with any kind of regularity at all. I have failed to put my trust in God for helping my child in school. And I am stressing about all kinds of things for which God knows the answer.

So really, what do I do? Because even though I know in my head that I have that God to turn to, I'm not turning to Him.

Apparently, I need some work in this area of my reaction to, and preparation for, life.

Lord, I'm really missing the mark in how I deal with life. I eat, or scream, or walk away, when really I should be falling on my knees and searching for you. Forgive me for not even noticing. Help me to seek you first, to look to you for guidance for myself or others. I desperately ask for your wisdom in my life, in the decisions I make, and in the situations I affect. I ask for your gentle reminder that you are in all these situations, longing to show your glory, and to shower your blessings. Thanks for never giving up on me, even when I give up on myself. Thanks for placing people in my life who know just when to give a word of encouragement, a hug, or an hour of free babysitting. Help me to be a blessing to others, and encourager, a stand-in-the-gap-er. Because I want to be a giver, not a taker. A noticer, not wrapped up in my own world, oblivious. I want YOU to be my home base, that place I run to. And I want people to see that in me, and know they can run to you too.